Failing Forward

Failure.

We all fear it so much. In fact for some of us it can be a driving factor, a motivator as we are so scared of it. But when you look at failure, what is it that we are actually afraid of? It comes down to our fear of OTHER peoples opinions.

It is such an ‘icky’ word…

Failure; lack of success. The description includes all the order icky words such as - breakdown, collapse, deficiency, decline, inadequate, mess, loss, frustration and many others.

What is failure? And why do we fear it so? I mean if to fail is to break something down, then surely isnt the purpose of that to build back up?

In entrepreneur speak we hear it alll the time, you can never fail if you never quit.

But as someone who has ‘failed’… and currently processing. It fucking hurts. I don’t want to know about rebuilding when Im wallowing in loss (whilst also my spiritually awakened soul is trying to gently guide me out of my wallowing pitt of self pity). To fail is to process loss, or when something you thought was so right, becomes so wrong. It means changing direction. When you thought you were going one way, the universe redirects you in a whole other way…and in turn our sense of direction, belonging and alignment can be f$*ked.

One thing I do know… is that every ‘loss’ is created by us, subconciously on some level. I truly believe this and the spiritual leaders and healers I have spoken to have shown me so.

For me, this is the first time a part from insta stories that I write about my loss and closing the space I put my heart and soul into.

Not long ago I was told I had Chronic fatigue, Chronic anxiety, chronic depression and I was recommended Anti depressants - which I personally dont believe in (for myself Id prefer to manage with adapting my health). I literally felt like I didn’t know what to do, what direction to move in or what advice to take (and I was getting a lot of it). For me, I have always been independant, perhaps stubbornly so it took me a long time to ask for help.

Fast forward a period of what felt (and sometimes still does) like living in hell. I did what I had to do and this meant closing the space I loved so so much, and still miss to this day. I still cry every day, months later. I still have nightmares every night and I still feel a huge part of me is missing.

But having time to reflect and to begin healing I have learnt so much and some days I feel like I can finally breathe again, I had to choose my life. Now every day, I have to choose that.

Failure allows us the opportunity to start again. to take what we have learnt and create a new dream, but better than before.

Are you processing or healing at the moment? How are you recovering? I’d love to know (comment below) .

Love, C x.